The One Mistake People Trying to Find Happiness Make

Shift Your Paradigm


“If I have money, then I will do the things I like. Then I will be happy.”

Chances are you have heard this cliché so often that it loses its meaning and impact. We all know the fatal flaw behind this saying. If we have money in the first place then of course we will be happy! The paradox of this is that you can have a billion dollars and still be sad. Rather, we must realize one important thing about happiness: It is a choice.

It really is that simple. Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy, or you can choose to be sad. When you decide upon happiness for yourself, then you must pursue happiness relentlessly. Stop chasing after what most people think will lead to happiness, such as money, success, or material wealth. For example, how do you define the success that leads to your happiness? Is it getting a raise at work (read: money!). Is it going on vacation to Hawaii? You can be in Hawaii but still have a lousy time.

Rather, stop chasing after these things which have extrinsic values and instead pursue things that have intrinsic values, such as compassion, cooperation, making the world a better place, and having high-quality friends. Stop relying on others to find happiness for you. This only leads to disappointment, for the only person that knows what truly will make you happy is yourself.

Going back to the cliché, what if I told you that you that you can do one simple thing with that cliché that will totally flip your world upside down? And that thing is this: Reverse the saying!

“If I am happy, then I will start doing the things I like. Then I will have money.”

Still too cliché? Let’s be more specific: If I am happy, then I will start chasing after my passions. Then I will make money.

This is better yet: If I am happy, then I will find the motivation and inspiration to chase what matters to me. I will relentlessly pursue that passion (coaching, small business, etc). This in turn leads me to making money from doing what I enjoy!

Of course, saying something and actually doing it are two different things. “Be happy” is a generalization. Everyone can say it. But how many can actually do it? How then do we find happiness?

Reframe Your Thoughts

Finding happiness requires a shift in your paradigm; that is, to reframe your thoughts and behavior. We have a strong tendency to stay in our comfort zones, even if that comfort zone is one of sadness and depression! (One very good book of learning how to continually recognize the signs that you are staying in your comfort zone and how to get out of it is Hendricks Gay’s The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level.) So, the first thing you should learn to do is to change the way you look at the world. Once you do, the world looks at you differently. Start by reading the following:

A strong case-in-point is you may constantly be blaming the world for all that is wrong with your life. You may constantly be complaining about your station in life. This station you are in is so strong that you may not even realize you are engaged in perpetual loop of blame. If you are fortunate enough to overcome your own ego and see yourself from an outsider’s perspective, then you will come to realize that your lack of friends is due in large part to the blame mentality you exhibit unconsciousnessly. When you are able to change your thoughts from that of blame to that of initiative, you will suddenly find doors opening when they were once closed. You may find yourself invited to more social gatherings or connecting to people more. Somewhere along the way, you may even find happiness.

You will find a little attitude adjustment goes a long way. After all, a big part of what I preach on ManSpirational is attitude readjustment. With attitude readjustment comes reframing your thoughts. A lot of articles here also deal with viewing the world with a different set of lenses from those you have been wearing your entire life.

Once you learn to see the world differently, the world will start to see you differently.

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  1. Brendon, wonderful blog. So many things ring true and it was a really inspirational read for first thing on a Friday morning 🙂 Thanks

  2. I am happier now than I have ever been – j found someone who makes my heart sing.

  3. Very well written. As one wise guy said “Change the way you look at things, and things will change”. I agree the change has to happen from within. Happiness is but a state of mind
    Ganeshkumar recently posted…10 “Finding Happiness” videos that will touch youMy Profile

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